Hello interfriends,
I had a great day today. I got to hang out with some wonderful and musically talented friends and sing my little heart out. The sun was shining. The birds were harmonizing. The jambes were improvising. It was cool. After dropping 250 dollars on a registration fee, I officially became a member of the Alberta Youth Choir today. Tomorrow I get to hang out with two of my favourite bands, along with a choice selection of compadres to celebrate our new and awesome place of residence. Life is good. I am happy.
And now I'm going to talk about something that I am not happy with.
If you haven't figured this out yet, I am a feminist. I'd say that was pretty obvious, judging by some of my subject matter (Also it says the word feminist at the top of the page now), but I just wanted to make that painfully clear. I don't really see the word as a source of fear or anxiety, but I know that several do, which is partly why I am writing this today.
More specifically I wanted to talk about men and their involvement (or lack thereof) in the feminist movement. Before anybody gets annoyed or uncomfortable (god forbid) I would just like to say right now that I am wholeheartedly pro-male-involvement. To me it is obvious that no movement can succeed when half the population is not allowed to participate. To me, and many other feminists out there, the male half of the world is the most important part of the feminist movement, because they are the privileged percentage, and just like it would be pretty hard to eradicate racism without convincing white people that it exists, we won't get very far without the help of a few good men (not to mention the transgender, transsexual, genderqueer, etc. population). I also acknowledge that there are several women who don't identify as feminists. And that's fine. But that's not what I'm talking about right now.
What I want to talk about has to do with my experiences with feminist and feminist-friendly men. I have heard and read the accounts of several men who are all for gender equality, but are upset about the lack of desire on feminist women's account to include them. I understand where you're coming from. It's really hard when all you want to do is help someone and they really just seem not to want your help. I GET IT. But at the same time, it would really benefit you to take a step back and evaluate the situation.
You might run in to a woman or two who are legitimately frightened and suspicious of men. Your first response may be to think "That's just reverse sexism" -- sidebar - there is no such thing as reverse sexism, btw, discriminating against men is still just plain sexism -- but when you take into account that 1 in 6 women in America is the victim of sexual assault, I hope you will reconsider. With such an apalling statistic, it's almost surprising that more women aren't terrified of men in general. Maybe this woman has a reason to be afraid. Just because you, one individual, have not and do not intend to harm her does not mean that the damage hasn't already been done. If you were the victim of repeated abuse or oppression, you might be a little afraid of people who share similarities to your abuser. Please, please, try to be sensitive to others' possible experiences and understand that yours is not necessarily the same as everyone else's.
I invite you to consider the fact that a lot women are simply tired of the fact that almost everyone treats male as the default and focuses on the achievements of men, and maybe they just want a little something of their own, you know? Maybe they are looking for a safe place where they can be accepted and cherished, rather than being bombarded with images of men being successful, while having a difficult time finding images of women in positions of power or equality rather than that of female objectification. Think about how annoying and hurtful it might be if you just found out you had cancer, and some douchebag was all like "Hey! Cancer also makes me sad, so shut up and listen to how this is all about me!" Sadly, similar situations happen within the feminist community happen ALL.THE.TIME. So maybe you can see how it gets a little exhausting after a while. Try to make sure that you are actively listening to and thinking about the feminists you meet and not just looking for someone to pick an argument with.
Like any other large group of people, there is huge diversity within the feminist community, and we're just not going to agree on everything. For this reason, it is useful to remember that one feminist =/= all feminists. There are those women out there who identify as feminists who plain old hate men. They exist. That doesn't mean we all share that sentiment. In fact, I am pretty confident with the statement that most of us don't, but I could be wrong. I read an article today that is actually what reminded me to make this post. Warning - this link has one gigantic trigger warning attached to it. Seriously graphic language and photo included. But it is an example of one feminist who definitely does not represent us all and perpetuates the stereotype that feminists see all men as rapists and murderers. My point with this is that you (and by you i mean feminist or open-minded men) are going to run into people with this opinion. My hope is that you will take that worldview with a grain of salt.
I could probably go on and on for a few more paragraphs about this, but for sleep and ease of consideration's sake, I'm gonna stop here and hope that this helps, even a little bit, to persuade any skeptics. I invite you to PLEASE do as much reading on the subject as you can. There are so many fascinating books, articles, websites blogs, facebook pages, etc. that can truly change your world, so don't be afraid. In fact, I'm gonna give a shout out to two of my favourite:
- Unpacking the "F" Word is an awesome facebook page which posts a ton of really diverse topics and is extremely intersectional and positive. So many great, informative articles, videos, photos, etc.
-justanotherfeminist is one rockin' instagram account with super educational and uplifting posts. The really impressive part is that this girl is only, like, 16 or something but she's got the wisdom of someone much older. I learn something new pretty much every day from this lady.
-BRETT OUT-
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