FeMENist - Men's inclusion within the feminist movement.

Hello interfriends,

I had a great day today. I got to hang out with some wonderful and musically talented friends and sing my little heart out. The sun was shining. The birds were harmonizing. The jambes were improvising. It was cool. After dropping 250 dollars on a registration fee, I officially became a member of the Alberta Youth Choir today. Tomorrow I get to hang out with two of my favourite bands, along with a choice selection of compadres to celebrate our new and awesome place of residence. Life is good. I am happy.

And now I'm going to talk about something that I am not happy with.

If you haven't figured this out yet, I am a feminist. I'd say that was pretty obvious, judging by some of my subject matter (Also it says the word feminist at the top of the page now), but I just wanted to make that painfully clear. I don't really see the word as a source of fear or anxiety, but I know that several do, which is partly why I am writing this today.

More specifically I wanted to talk about men and their involvement (or lack thereof) in the feminist movement. Before anybody gets annoyed or uncomfortable (god forbid) I would just like to say right now that I am wholeheartedly pro-male-involvement. To me it is obvious that no movement can succeed when half the population is not allowed to participate. To me, and many other feminists out there, the male half of the world is the most important part of the feminist movement, because they are the privileged percentage, and just like it would be pretty hard to eradicate racism without convincing white people that it exists, we won't get very far without the help of a few good men (not to mention the transgender, transsexual, genderqueer, etc. population). I also acknowledge that there are several women who don't identify as feminists. And that's fine. But that's not what I'm talking about right now.

What I want to talk about has to do with my experiences with feminist and feminist-friendly men. I have heard and read the accounts of several men who are all for gender equality, but are upset about the lack of desire on feminist women's account to include them. I understand where you're coming from. It's really hard when all you want to do is help someone and they really just seem not to want your help. I GET IT. But at the same time, it would really benefit you to take a step back and evaluate the situation.

You might run in to a woman or two who are legitimately frightened and suspicious of men. Your first response may be to think "That's just reverse sexism" -- sidebar - there is no such thing as reverse sexism, btw, discriminating against men is still just plain sexism -- but when you take into account that 1 in 6 women in America is the victim of sexual assault, I hope you will reconsider. With such an apalling statistic, it's almost surprising that more women aren't terrified of men in general. Maybe this woman has a reason to be afraid. Just because you, one individual, have not and do not intend to harm her does not mean that the damage hasn't already been done. If you were the victim of repeated abuse or oppression, you might be a little afraid of people who share similarities to your abuser. Please, please, try to be sensitive to others' possible experiences and understand that yours is not necessarily the same as everyone else's.

I invite you to consider the fact that a lot women are simply tired of the fact that almost everyone treats male as the default and focuses on the achievements of men, and maybe they just want a little something of their own, you know? Maybe they are looking for a safe place where they can be accepted and cherished, rather than being bombarded with images of men being successful, while having a difficult time finding images of women in positions of power or equality rather than that of female objectification. Think about how annoying and hurtful it might be if you just found out you had cancer, and some douchebag was all like "Hey! Cancer also makes me sad, so shut up and listen to how this is all about me!" Sadly, similar situations happen within the feminist community happen ALL.THE.TIME. So maybe you can see how it gets a little exhausting after a while. Try to make sure that you are actively listening to and thinking about the feminists you meet and not just looking for someone to pick an argument with.

Like any other large group of people, there is huge diversity within the feminist community, and we're just not going to agree on everything. For this reason, it is useful to remember that one feminist =/= all feminists. There are those women out there who identify as feminists who plain old hate men. They exist. That doesn't mean we all share that sentiment. In fact, I am pretty confident with the statement that most of us don't, but I could be wrong. I read an article today that is actually what reminded me to make this post. Warning - this link has one gigantic trigger warning attached to it. Seriously graphic language and photo included. But it is an example of one feminist who definitely does not represent us all and perpetuates the stereotype that feminists see all men as rapists and murderers. My point with this is that you (and by you i mean feminist or open-minded men) are going to run into people with this opinion. My hope is that you will take that worldview with a grain of salt.

I could probably go on and on for a few more paragraphs about this, but for sleep and ease of consideration's sake, I'm gonna stop here and hope that this helps, even a little bit, to persuade any skeptics. I invite you to PLEASE do as much reading on the subject as you can. There are so many fascinating books, articles, websites blogs, facebook pages, etc. that can truly change your world, so don't be afraid. In fact, I'm gonna give a shout out to two of my favourite:
- Unpacking the "F" Word is an awesome facebook page which posts a ton of really diverse topics and is extremely intersectional and positive. So many great, informative articles, videos, photos, etc.
-justanotherfeminist is one rockin' instagram account with super educational and uplifting posts. The really impressive part is that this girl is only, like, 16 or something but she's got the wisdom of someone much older. I learn something new pretty much every day from this lady.

-BRETT OUT-

Restricted Mobility.

Heyoooo.

So I can't get a cat because my roomate is allergic. Also I'm allergic. So there's that. But you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get me one of these :)

They're beautiful, I don't even care.

After having Norbert, my hedgehog, and Gus, my fish (R.I.P.), I decided I never want to own another pet that I have to keep in a cage. This whole pet thing is pretty new and exciting to me, and I didn't know for sure what to expect owning a pet for the first time. I got Norbert and Gus because they're pretty low maintenance, and I did do my research before buying them to get an idea of what it would be like. But after having Gus die after about 2 weeks (I took care of him, I swear! Don't yell at meeeee :'( ) I was left feeling really bad. Not the normal pet dying grieving thing. I just felt like his whole life probably sucked and it was partially my fault. I didn't abuse him or anything, I just feel like swimming around in an enclosed space for days on end probably isn't the cat's (fish's?) meow. With Gus, I feel kind of the same. It's not that I don't like him, but I can't exactly cuddle with him. Hedgehogs could honestly care less if you love them or not. And that makes me sad. Because I'm not really providing him with anything better than he could get on his own in the wild. So I've decided to only get pets from now on that 1) can have free roam of the house and 2) appreciate my love. I just want some cat love waaaaaah :(

Now, for something completely different.

Have you or one of your male friends ever complained about the lack of selection in men's clothing? I sure have, and I always kind of agreed that it sucks that there are infinitely more choices in women's fashion. But then, yesterday, it occurred to me: women have more clothing options because most women accept clothes that cause discomfort without a second thought. I'm not saying that all women do or should wear clothes that are uncomfortable, or that men don't ever wear uncomfortable clothing, but I do feel, as a woman, that I am expected to wear things that make me uncomfortable or inconvenience me just to look "feminine". I always kind of thought it sucked, but I never really thought about the implications, aside from the red marks from the waistbands of my jeans or the sore feet I get from wearing uncomfortable shoes. 

Think about it, though; how many women do you think haven't fully participated in something because their clothing simply didn't allow for it? How many girls do you think didn't jump off the high board because they were afraid their bikini would move around? How many ladies were unable even to bend over because their skirt was too short? How many women couldn't breathe because their dress was too tight? Or couldn't kiss because they didn't want to ruin their lipstick? Or couldn't run and play and jump and kick because their jeans couldn't stretch that far or their hair might get messed up.

I don't believe there's anything wrong with wearing any of these things if you do it for you or you love it, but it hurts me that the ideologies that shaped this clothing, that held me back, even exist. It hurts me that I have to decide between feeling sexy or being able to move. It hurts me that this clothing hurts me. 

-Brett.

Stupid Is As Stupid Does.

Hello!

I apologize for not posting in a ridiculously long time. I have had a lot on my mind and I wanted to make my next post a good one.

I wanted to bring up something that has been really irking me lately. I've never really talked about this with anyone at all, and I'm still kind of developing my thoughts around it so far. Has anyone else noticed that every time you watch a video on Youtube, or look at a picture on Facebook, the comment section below inevitably deteriorates into a few commenters arguing back and forth over who's the stupidest? I can look at Instagram on any given day and find conversations like this one:

How many times a day do you hear someone say the words "That's dumb!", "idiotic!", or "stupid!"? I'm not going to waste my breath and say that intelligence isn't a good thing, because that's untrue, and I know that I probably have higher intelligence than normal, but not everybody in the world is really smart, and that's O.K. It's not as though all the people in the world with IQs below 130 live a life of poverty and despair.
I just wanted to question for a moment why it's so acceptable to discriminate against a person based upon their intelligence. A person can't choose how smart they are any more than they get to decide what colour their eyes are, or whether or not they have a genetic predisposition towards breast cancer. You also have to consider that just because one person comes across "dumb" in one situation, doesn't mean you know anything about that person. You have no idea what's going on in that magnificent brain of theirs. Maybe they have a hard time voicing what they're thinking. Maybe they have a learning disorder but are a genius with a paintbrush. Maybe they could solve the world's problems because their brain works a little differently than all the "smart" kids. The fact that someone has a different opinion than your doesn't make them stupid, it makes them the most wonderfully useful person in the world to have around because they are somebody you can learn something from.
It is my humble opinion that "stupid" people don't exist, that they are simply made up to put people's minds at ease when they face a difficult problem. It's a whole lot easier to simply dismiss someone as "stupid" than to take the time to look at a situation from another human being's point of view and understand what would make them come to the conclusion that they have.
I was watching a TEDtalks video (Where have these been all my life, amiright?) recently, and in it, Kathryn Schulz was discussing our society's inherent fear of being wrong. One of the most poignant and relatable points of her talk was a list of assumptions people make when they run into an individual with a differing opinion than theirs, and it goes in this order:

1. This person is ignorant!
2. This person is an idiot!
3. This person is evil!

Numbers 1 and 2 really got me because I know that this has definitely run through my mind before when trying to make my point to someone, and I see this every time I look at a controversial forum or thread, and it couldn't be more false. Kathryn goes on to beautifully describe how being wrong is every individual's best trait. What makes you great is not everything that you do or know or believe or see that is exactly right, it's the "wrong" bits. That's what makes you awesome. What sets you apart. What makes you see animals in clouds and pronounce words wrong or paint purple skies instead of blue ones, and it's AWESOME. You should really watch the video because she made it sound a lot less cheesy than I did.

My point is--stupid is subjective, and if you never take the time to appreciate and understand people you write off as "stupid", you're missing out. The saddest part is, a lot of people are truly gonna believe that they are stupid, and they are never going to realize their potential. They will believe every person who has ever told them that they can't do something because they're too stupid. Maybe they'll never cure cancer or solve world hunger or achieve world peace because everyone said they just weren't smart enough.

I leave you with these photos of Professor Snape and Marilyn Manson -- and they said Hogwarts wasn't real.

Brett :)