A couple days ago I was a bridesmaid in the wedding of a very old friend of mine. I wanted to be there to support her, but at the same time, I harbour some very strong feelings about marriage.
From what I have gleaned, my understanding is that marriage is apparently the ultimate commitment to your significant other. However, with divorce rates at 40% in Canada, it doesn't really seem to mean that much anyway. I'm not saying that people shouldn't get divorced. It's definitely the best option in a lot of cases. I'm saying that divorce is hardly different than breaking up now. To me, it shows a lot more commitment to stay together when you're not married than if you are. I think that people who should be together end up staying together, regardless of whether they are married or not, and I think that marriage is used as excuse for incompatible people to stay together.
Then, there's also the part where weddings are expensive. A wedding can put a couple into debt for a long while, which, in turn, puts more strain on the relationship. Why not just spend more time with your loved ones without spending money? Or you could take the money that you would normally spend on a wedding, and go travelling every year. Or start a business. Or go to school. You get my point.
I also believe that a lot of people get married for the wrong reasons. I'm not just talking about marrying for money or power. I'm talking more along the lines of marrying for attention. There's a lot of people who get married because they want people to make a big fuss over them. Then, once the honeymoon's over, they realize that they're stuck with this person that maybe they didn't even really want to be with, or that they didn't know well enough. I think there is also a prevailing belief that marriage is some ultimate goal to work towards, and once you have it, everything works out and you live happily ever after. The truth is that marriage is no different than any other relationship, except there's a million times more pressure to stay together. This can have catastrophic effects on even the best of couples.
Marriage is the byproduct of a ridiculous set of expectations for the most difficult to control of human functions. It says that you should love one way and not the other, one person and not the other. It goes completely against human nature, which is not monogamy as is seemingly the only acceptable path right now. It sets people up for oppression, confusion, and if they fail, disgrace, embarrassment and judgement. Marriage is not equally available for everybody. Marriage is defined differently depending on who you ask, and getting married defines you as someone apart from these other people who aren't permitted to get married, as different, or even better than these people. There are enough differences in the world splitting people apart, that marriage, the intended union of people, shouldn't be one of them.
Thank you guys so much for taking the time to read this, and I would love it if you gave me some opinions or feedback here, or at brett_bonk@yahoo.ca,
Brett
